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Love Triangles

Love triangles are adored and proclaimed in modern pop culture and media, making them out to be some sort of super fulfilling, exciting, and daring adventure not to be missed out on.

Unfortunately, especially for those that have experience such things, love triangles are not what they are cracked up to be by pop culture. They are often sources of sadness, feelings of not being accepted, and emptiness.

Some have heard of the Godly Love Triangle, which places God at the top of the triangle, and as two people pursue God of first importance, they will inevitably draw closer to one another as they pursue the same end. This, perhaps ironically and un-intuitively, produces the most fulfilling and healthy romantic relationships.

Another form of a love triangle that is helpful is Sternberg's love triangle. In this triangle it is represented as a triangle with three necessary and mutually supporting sides: passion, intimacy, and commitment.

"Passion motivates love; it is the physiological attraction that compels us toward an "other". By itself, though, it is a fickle force that can go astray or died down after the initial heat dissipates. Intimacy deepens love, as physical and emotional closeness come with increasing trust, honesty, and warmth. Commitment protects love by providing a safe context in which it can thrive. It acts like a wall that prevents the animals of doubt, defensiveness, or competing lovers from destroying the tender fruit growing in the garden. It provides a secure place where vulnerability, trust, and exclusivity can blossom."



"If, however, one or more of these sides of the triangle is consistently absent from or over active within our romantic attachments for our relationship with God, it may point to a scarring or lack of proper attachment that we carry from my childhood. Until we allow God to get to the heart of the issue and heal our foundational desires, our intimate relationships will be lopsided, consistently marked by dysfunctional patterns." (Divine Sex, Grant, pg. 178-179) Allowing God to heal our dysfunctional desires is a process that takes time, and a lot of effort and soul work, but it is well worth the transformation that we are able to undergo through the power of God. (for more on this see Changes That Heal).

When it comes to love, we can have relationships that are full of dysfunction and sorrow, often times when by mimicking (consciously or unconsciously) what we see portrayed to us in the media. But God is trying to restore us to meaningful and whole love, with Him and with others. Romantically we would be wise to build on a foundation that can withstand the pressures of life rather than on the shifting sands of fleeting desires.


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