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Looking For A Dime Piece

You ever heard the expression; "I'm lookin for my dime-piece"? It essentially means that the person is looking for a "10", which basically on a scale of 1-10, is perfect. Perfect beauty. Perfect personality. Perfect humor and wittiness. Perfect spirituality. Perfect breath. You name it. Perfect. Sound perfect right? So what's the problem with "lookin for a dime-piece"? A couple things to start:

  • let's admit it; there is no perfect person

  • "perfection" is relative; what you would call a dime, someone else calls a nickel

  • while you might want a dime (however you define that); you are likely not one yourself (and even if you are close, because you think you are, that automatically bumps you down to at least 3 points).

  • So the next time you hear someone say they are lookin for a dime, ask them why they think they haven't found one yet? Or at least why they haven't found one that requites yet?

Another primary issue with this way of thinking is that is fundamentally selfish. Looking for a 10 (often is mostly ways that the world defines a 10 - physical attraction, humor, personality, chemistry, etc.) will often lead you to think about a potential spouse in terms of what they can do for you (not that this is what you are intending, but it happens if we are not careful). This is explicitly NOT what God created marriage for. God intended marriage not to primarily make you happy (though it certainly can and should) but to make you holy (for further study on that topic see Thomas' book "Sacred Marriage"). Marriage is a vehicle (though certainly not the only one) that God uses to make us more into the likeness of Christ.So if you are not going to look for a dime-piece the way that the world looks at and for one, how should you look and what should you look for? Well let me begin by saying that there is nothing inherently wrong with physical attraction and beauty (and you likely should be attracted physically - but consider if someone's physcial beauty altered drastically due to some accident, etc.?), or chemistry, or personality or anything of the like, for God created these things for our enjoyment. The problem becomes when we (like the world) over-value these things and they become the focal point of our decision-making.

Some biblical ways to think about what things to look for and value in a spouse: (also see my sermon on the subject "How To Choose A Mate")

  • Is your potential spouse clearly a believer in Jesus (2 Corinthians 6:14)? Does he/she exhibit the fruit of the Spirit — love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:22)? Does he/she show clear regard and care for others (Phil 2:3-4)? Does he/she show evident love for God in how he/she spends time and money (1 Jn 5:3; 1 Tim 6:10; etc.), how he/she interacts with others (Mat 22:38-40)?

  • Women, is this a man you respect? Could you envision yourself submitting to and following him over the course of your lives together? Do you believe he will care well for you and your children? Will he serve you above himself and encourage your spiritual growth, as he is called to do in Ephesians 5:25-29? Is he growing in the characteristics of biblical manhood (1 Timothy 3:1-7, Titus 1:8-9 - specifically written to instruct in overseeing, but still has application here - and 1 Peter 3:7)?

  • Men, do you believe this woman will care for you well and be a good mother and discipler to your potential children? Is she growing in the characteristics of biblical womanhood and what the Bible calls "true beauty" (Proverbs 31:10-31; 1 Peter 3:3-5; Titus 2:4-5)? Do you envision her being supportive of you in whatever ministry God may call you to?

Drop the dime-piece fantasy! Glorify God with how you choose a spouse by renewing your thinking more into the likeness of His (Rom 12:1-2)

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